


Life Expectancies

by foolyoulove



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Ending Life Support, Established Relationship, Families of Choice, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, NOT OT3, Self-Sacrifice, Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 12:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7315045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foolyoulove/pseuds/foolyoulove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Poe tried to focus on memories of a stolen TIE fighter and stolen kisses, shared victories and shared meals, late evenings in the command room and late mornings in bed—but he knew that he would be forever haunted by the fact that his love's final conscious moments were probably consumed by terror and pain."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life Expectancies

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself sad writing this, because I love Finn so much and really want him to live a long and happy life.
> 
> additional note long after posting:  
> I've learned a lot in the past many months about how tiresome or even harmful it can be for fans of color to see Finn used as a "prop" in fanworks and discourse. Please know that Finn is my favorite sequel-trilogy character and I want nothing more than for future movies to treat him right, and I hope to do the same in any future writings of my own. Thanks for reading.

Ever since his days as a young lieutenant in the New Republic fleet, Poe Dameron had accepted as a given that there were no old starfighter pilots in this galaxy—not human ones, at least. He never imagined that he would find himself, years and years later, holding a bedside vigil. Again.

However, he knew logically that this one—with Finn lying lifeless in the medbay, skin ashen, machines sustaining the broken body that had housed his vibrant spirit—would not have a happy ending. It would not lead to a hard-earned-but-still-miraculous recovery, or more fairytale romance between a Resistance pilot and an ex-Stormtrooper in shining armor. 

As it turned out, not even bacta could reverse brain death.

A steady stream of visitors had shuffled in to say their goodbyes over the past two standard days: Snap, Jess, Kaydel Ko, the General, some other Resistance brass and rank-and-file. Then there were the members of the squad under Finn's command, whom he had protected by throwing himself at a thermal detonator, and Poe found it particularly draining to play witness to their grief and guilt while attempting to process his own. He barely left Finn's side, though, soaking in as much of his presence as he could, and trying not to imagine him bleeding out on the hard ground during what should have been an easy scouting mission. 

Maybe if they had gotten Finn back here faster, or if they'd had a more highly-trained medic in the field, or if someone had seen the grenade a fraction of a second sooner, they could have saved more than his body.

_Maybe, maybe, maybe._

Poe tried to focus on memories of a stolen TIE fighter and stolen kisses, shared victories and shared meals, late evenings in the command room and late mornings in bed—but he knew that he would be forever haunted by the fact that his love's final conscious moments were probably consumed by terror and pain.

Poe’s train of thought was broken as BB-8 burbled a friendly but somber greeting to Rey, who had just arrived from whatever far-flung moon she'd been on. He rose to give her a hug and decided he owed at least her some privacy; Finn had become dear to so many others in the Resistance, for so many reasons, but Rey and Finn had perhaps each been the other's first real friend. Poe stepped just outside the door and backed against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. He stacked his chin on his forearms on his bent knees, and waited.

Eventually, Rey joined him cross-legged on the floor, BB-8 apparently choosing to maintain his post in the corner of Finn's room. "That droid is almost as devoted to Finn as his human is," she said, which earned a watery chuckle from Poe. They sat in a contemplative silence for several minutes, interrupted only by the occasional sniffle. Poe had to believe that some kind of higher power had played a role in throwing a Stormtrooper and a scavenger into his life—who had evolved into a Pathfinder who stole his heart, a Jedi who would probably save the galaxy, and a very unlikely little family. He supposed the Force worked in mysterious...

Poe straightened up with a start. "Wait. Rey. Can you find him in the Force?"

She blinked at him, considering his question. "We'll never be able to sit and have a chat, he wasn't a Jedi master, but...in essence, yes. I can still feel him."

Poe, who had long known that he was about as Force-sensitive as a hydrospanner, felt a pang of something like jealousy. "That must be nice," he said, failing to mask the bitterness in his words. He heaved a heavy sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face, leaving it in front of his eyes. "I'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me at all."

"Nothing about any of this is fair,” Rey said, shaking her head slightly. “Don't apologize."

"I just wish..." Poe dropped his hand and let his head fall back against the wall as he stared at the ceiling, "I wish I could tell him—"

Rey silenced him with a gentle hand on his arm. "He knows, Poe. Trust me. He knows. And you must know that he'd say all the same to you, if he could."

Poe released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, before turning his head slightly to look at her. "Thank you." 

Just as Rey was offering a soft, sad smile in return, Dr. Kalonia stepped in front of them, and Poe felt a pit of dread in his stomach.

"Rey, you were the last visitor we were waiting on." She looked at Poe, then. "It's time," she said, compassionately but firmly.

Poe gave her a shallow nod, feeling oddly appreciative of her assertiveness. If she'd asked him if he was ready, his answer would have been, " _Never, never._ "

After a moment, Rey pushed herself off the floor, offered him a hand up, and met his eyes with an uncharacteristic hesitance. "Do you want to do this alone, or...?"

"Stay," he blurted out. Then, more softly, "Please. I'm sure he'd want you here."

"Okay." Rey led the small, solemn processional back into Finn's room. She and Poe stayed hand-in-hand on Finn's side that had been less mangled in the explosion—Poe using his free hand to take Finn's, Rey placing hers on an un-bandaged patch of Finn's lower leg—as Kalonia moved to the opposite side of the bed and BB-8 remained standing sentinel.

Poe knew that what was about to happen was technically simple, so he was especially grateful for the fact that their chief medical officer—a friend—had chosen to tend to it herself. As he watched her gently disconnect the tubes from Finn's arms, Poe thought bitterly that for everything that Finn left behind him when he renounced the First Order, there was one thing that he apparently could never escape: if there was any demographic in the galaxy with a shorter life expectancy than human starfighter pilots, it was Stormtroopers.

Dr. Kalonia stopped and held Poe's gaze for a moment; he took that as a cue, and tried his best to steady his voice even though he knew Finn couldn't really hear him. "Okay, Finn, Rey and I are gonna be right here with you. BB and Doc Kalonia are here, too, okay?" He brushed his thumb along the back of Finn's knuckles. "We're all right here, buddy." After Rey took a deep breath and squeezed his hand a moment later, Poe nodded at Kalonia, who flipped a couple of switches, turned off the ensuing alarms, and eased the tube out of Finn's throat as a final breath left his lungs. She reached across the bed to give Poe and Finn's joined hands a single, firm squeeze before quietly slipping out of the room and sliding the door shut behind her.

As grounding as the warmth and firm grip of Rey's hand was in that moment, it seemed all wrong to Poe in contrast to the already-cooling slackness of Finn's. It was the low, mournful croon from his droid, though, that finally cracked what little remained of Poe's composure. As Rey buried her face in the back of his shoulder, Poe lifted Finn's lifeless hand to his lips, and wept.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been a Star Wars fan for nearly a quarter of a century, and this is what I came up with for my first fic in the fandom. I felt like the world really needed a little more Finnpoe that doesn't ignore Rey, yet it ended up wrapped in devastation. dammit.
> 
> I also feel like I've seen more Stormpilot fics where Poe is the one killed in action rather than Finn, so I kind of wanted to flip that.
> 
> Please feel free to yell at me in the comments or [on tumblr](http://foolyoulovesomehow.tumblr.com/).


End file.
